Doubt
by dreamshell
Summary: PreKotOR. A glimpse into the life of Padawan Bastila Shan around the time Revan leaves for the Mandalorian Wars.


Doubt

_(This short bit takes place before Revan became the Dark Lord, just around the time he and other Jedi were going into the Mandalorian Wars against the will of the Jedi Order. Here he is a young Jedi Knight and Bastila is still going through her Padawan training.)_

The morning breeze of Dantooine was cool and perfumed with the scent of the world's many gentle, budding plants. It was truly a soothing place, a docile planet that helped one to embrace the serenity of nature and the Force. Bastila stood outside the Jedi Enclave admiring the dawn, her often racing Padawan mind calmed at the sight of the relaxed and peaceful scenery before her.

It was good to reconnect with one's inner balance, Bastila thought. Especially after all that had been going on within the Enclave's walls as well as beyond Dantooine. The Mandalorians' forces were spreading, bringing pointless and zealous destruction to innocent and defenseless worlds. The Republic was doing all it could to stave off the attacks, but the Mandalorians were a people bred for war. And there were so many of them…

Recently, the heads of the Jedi Council on Coruscant had let their will be known; no Jedi were to involve themselves with the war. Though they kept their reasons secret, the Council claimed that the effects of Jedi intervention could be disastrous. Many of the younger Jedi of the Order, including those of the Enclave, were in a state of disillusion. Not help the Republic? Not aid the very system they had been raised to serve and protect? The idea seemed insane.

Most bewildered among the Enclave's members was the Jedi Knight Revan, a young man very strong with the Force. He had been the first of the Jedi to speak up against the Council's ruling on Dantooine, perhaps on any world. Over the past few weeks, Revan, along with his loyal friend Malak, had rallied together a band of fellow Knights who were equally displeased by the orders of the Jedi Council. There was rumor in the Enclave that Revan was preparing to revolt, that he would lead his group into the war, aiding the Republic with their lightsabers and control of the Force.

When Bastila thought of Revan she felt strange. The Jedi discouraged emotions like love or anything close to it, but she was still young and undisciplined and the thought of Revan made her tremble just a bit. There was something about him. Not only was he handsome, which Bastila felt she would've been able to overcome if that was all, but he had a charm to him, a way of inspiring others to do what they knew in their hearts was right. He was intelligent, yes, but humorous as well, not merely another drone to the Archives without any sense of light-heartedness. He was a Jedi, of course, but he was also more than that. He was a young man, full of life and compassion and dreams, something, it seemed, many other Jedi lacked.

Bastila remembered sneaking away to hear him speak at a gathering out in the ancient grove not far from the Enclave. It was the first time she had ever really disobeyed the Masters, who did not approve of how Revan was stirring the others up. She remembered how he had stood before them all, the less spectacular Malak by his side, and had spoke to them with such strength and motivation and with utter honesty in his words. The Republic would fall, he said, unless the Jedi helped to defeat the Mandalorians. The Council was hiding something, sitting apathetically in their high-ranking seats, wanting only to preserve the Order…even if that meant sacrificing the Republic. Was that the Jedi way? No. The Jedi were defenders, protectors. How could they do nothing, Revan asked, and call themselves Jedi?

Bastila had been moved by Revan's words but was still unsure that she should follow him. What Revan said felt right, but how could they defy the Order? Hadn't it always done what was wisest before? Bastila was only a teenage Padawan, not yet fully trained in the Force. Revan had told them he did not want unprepared Jedi out on the battlefield. He did not want death to come to those not yet ready to fight. So Bastila, half-ready to offer her life to Revan's crusade, was stuck on Dantooine, full of doubt and forced to continue the lessons given to her by an Order she was no longer sure she still had faith in.

In the midst of her thoughts, Bastila overheard the Enclave's doors open, several of her fellow Padawans walking out, the Jedi Knight Revan following behind, yet leading them. Bastila turned away, hiding the sudden blush in her face. The others gathered around Revan and she stood aloof, pretending not to notice them.

"Bastila?" she heard Revan's assertive voice call to her. "You're Bastila Shan, aren't you?"

"Yes," she said, ignoring her own excitement at him remembering her name.

"Could you come over here? I'm speaking with some of the Padawans."

Bastila strode over to the others, trying to appear nonchalant. When she was among the rest of them, Revan began to speak.

"Listen to me, all of you, alright?" he started. "I know you're all disappointed about what I've said. I know you want to come with the rest of us, but you also know I can't let you. You're still young, Padawans, not yet fully trained in the ways of the Force. The men and women going with me are some of the best Jedi Knights here on Dantooine. They can control their abilities and have experience in battle, they'll be able to handle confronting the Mandalorian threat.

"What we are doing is dangerous. We are disobeying the Council's decree. If it is discovered what we plan to do, we could very well lose our places among the Jedi. I know they are willing to give themselves completely to stopping the war. And I know you're all willing, too, but I will not allow Padawans to abandon their training. To bring you with us would be like throwing away the futures of some of the greatest Jedi this galaxy may ever know. I hope you understand…"

Revan looked at all of them, stopping on Bastila. She knew his look probably meant nothing, but she still felt herself getting weak. It was as if he could see right through her.

"We understand, Revan," one of the other Padawans said. "We shall complete our training first before coming to your aid."

"If that is how you feel when the time comes," Revan said. "Now I must go. The others and I have managed to locate a private shuttle. We will be leaving tonight for Coruscant."

Revan turned away from them and began to leave.

"Goodbye, Revan. Good…good luck," Bastila said, not expecting herself to.

Revan looked back to her again and gave her a grateful smile.

"Thank you, Padawan," he said. With that he turned away again and returned within the Enclave.

The other Padawans whispered amongst themselves before beginning to disperse into the courtyard to go about their individual routines. Bastila stood silent, watching them leave, feeling the Force strong within her then, overwhelming her.

A moment later she noticed how the other Padawans had begun to walk in sync, their feet moving in one fluid motion. Her body shook at the sight of this as she realized it was happening again. The strange ability was growing in her more and more. It had started small; moving the blades of grass together, keeping the kath hounds all mutually calm when she passed them, but now she found herself controlling people. It wasn't often a conscious effort, but it scared her nonetheless. It scared her to have control over so many at once, to move them about like pieces of a board game. It scared her most, though, because, everynow and then, she enjoyed it…


End file.
